I feel so ugly and it's depressing me?

A lot of people have told me that I'm beautiful, and a few told me that I'm ugly. My boyfriend teases me about parts of my body and it makes me feel so ugly. I never had high self esteem and I'm even crying right now. I've never felt so ugly in my life. It's not just feeling ugly. I'm ugly. It's truly depressing me and I don't even want to leave the house. He told me that I have no butt. But then he tells me that my butt jiggles and he spanks it and touches it all the time. I have brazil butt lift dvds and I started doing the exercises again, but he hid the dvds from me! I also have no boobs, which I can't do anything about. I hate my face and I hate when people look at me. How do I come out of this depression without going to a doctor? I'm really depressed but don't want anyone knowing I'm depressed or telling me i'm overreacting. Help plz.